Well, off I trundled to the GP, happy as a sandboy. As blogged before, I was going to sort out contraception. I thought it would be an interesting conversation as I was seeing the doctor who referred us to the infertility crowd.
I wasn't expecting my every motivation to be questioned! Clearly the GP couldn't understand why we would go for contraception and why we wouldn't 'keep both our options open' while we were going through the adoption process.
I tried to tell her that we had crossed that bridge and that this visit was part of that. I started to get frustrated and upset that she couldn't understand (she was saying things like 'well, do you want to spend the next 10 years using hormones?' and 'I have never met anyone who wanted to do something like this') and I think she thought that I was getting upset about not having a baby.
Anyway, she has given me my 'options' and wants me to come away and talk to hubby. Who agreed with me that she just couldn't see where I was coming from.
I don't know if I could have explained any better, I don't think I'm doing a great job now. I tried to tell her that adoption is our path, we have accepted and embraced that and I want to close that other door now. It is fair on no-one in this process that we may 'accidentally' get pregnant.
Sigh.
Still, when it comes down to it, it is my choice. I will be calling back to arrange a new appointment but, whoah, I wasn't expecting that...
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
Time to ponder what is 'normal'
As we are waiting for our prep group dates (application for formal assessment posted, referees provided, passport photos sent) it seems to be time to start telling people what is going to be happening, as the opportunity arises.
These quiet opportunities occur haphazardly. I have told 'almost strangers' because the moment was right yet I have not had the chance to tell someone who I chat with every day and would consider to be a good friend. I quite like this slightly organic manner of letting the information escape, because it gives me chance to digest everyone's responses, and these have sometimes been surprising.
The response that sticks in my mind most, possibly because it has come from two people now, is '...but can't they find you a 'normal' one?' The conversation up to this point has usually gone like this:
1 - adoption is mentioned
2 - there is a rapid show of interest
3 - I am asked if we are looking for a newborn
4 - I tell them all about the process and the children that are looking for homes and their inevitable issues and how this means we have offered a place for a child up to 4 years old and that we are starting to prepare ourselves for their particular needs, which are likely to be different than other children...
...and this is when the 'normal' phrase came out, in both conversations.
It has made me stop and think, a lot.
Firstly, I'm not upset with these people, I'm taking the chance to explain, but it really brought it home to me that there is very little understanding of adoption and what it really means these days. Also, I'm quite aware that very few of these children could be considered 'typical' but branding them as abnormal really jars.
To be honest, under many definitions, our existing son is not 'normal' and, frankly, I like him just the way he is, but I do think that these days we are often too quick to define and pigeonhole.
And here is where I dither off in my thoughts, without a conclusion, just something to ponder - what is 'normal' and why is it so precious an ideal to people?
These quiet opportunities occur haphazardly. I have told 'almost strangers' because the moment was right yet I have not had the chance to tell someone who I chat with every day and would consider to be a good friend. I quite like this slightly organic manner of letting the information escape, because it gives me chance to digest everyone's responses, and these have sometimes been surprising.
The response that sticks in my mind most, possibly because it has come from two people now, is '...but can't they find you a 'normal' one?' The conversation up to this point has usually gone like this:
1 - adoption is mentioned
2 - there is a rapid show of interest
3 - I am asked if we are looking for a newborn
4 - I tell them all about the process and the children that are looking for homes and their inevitable issues and how this means we have offered a place for a child up to 4 years old and that we are starting to prepare ourselves for their particular needs, which are likely to be different than other children...
...and this is when the 'normal' phrase came out, in both conversations.
It has made me stop and think, a lot.
Firstly, I'm not upset with these people, I'm taking the chance to explain, but it really brought it home to me that there is very little understanding of adoption and what it really means these days. Also, I'm quite aware that very few of these children could be considered 'typical' but branding them as abnormal really jars.
To be honest, under many definitions, our existing son is not 'normal' and, frankly, I like him just the way he is, but I do think that these days we are often too quick to define and pigeonhole.
And here is where I dither off in my thoughts, without a conclusion, just something to ponder - what is 'normal' and why is it so precious an ideal to people?
Friday, 3 December 2010
A little phone call!
It has been a while actually, but the phone call came and, as if there had been no third degree, we were told we were going forward and we would be invited to prep group held in January.
Well.. I say off we go to prep group, we have been told vaguely when it is but since then, we have received an envelope asking us to send some more forms so that we can go. Personal referees,etc. Even though we don't know when it will be. Not to worry. I will not question, I will do as I am told.
This weekend will be form filling then! And considering who to ask to be personal referees. The form says that at least three of them will be visited! I didn't know that. Gosh.
Finally, referring back to a previous post, I have made my appointment with the doctor for the bizarre experience of going back onto some kind of contraception. Now that is going to be an interesting visit, since the doctor I have booked with was the one that referred us to infertility clinic. I wonder if she will want to know what happened?
Onwards and upwards!
Well.. I say off we go to prep group, we have been told vaguely when it is but since then, we have received an envelope asking us to send some more forms so that we can go. Personal referees,etc. Even though we don't know when it will be. Not to worry. I will not question, I will do as I am told.
This weekend will be form filling then! And considering who to ask to be personal referees. The form says that at least three of them will be visited! I didn't know that. Gosh.
Finally, referring back to a previous post, I have made my appointment with the doctor for the bizarre experience of going back onto some kind of contraception. Now that is going to be an interesting visit, since the doctor I have booked with was the one that referred us to infertility clinic. I wonder if she will want to know what happened?
Onwards and upwards!
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