'The team' had their initial visit meeting and loved us. Despite loving us, they have more questions.
Will hubby give up work?
What adoption leave pay will I get?
When will our IVA finish? (we told them this already)
We wrote our own detailed breakdown of finances for the report and, I believe, proved that we have enough money to cope even if they found us a match tomorrow. Frankly, by the time that IVA finishes we will be lucky to have been matched at all anyway. Get us through the system now and by the time it is all approved and we are ready, we will have more disposable income than we have ever seen. This isn't a maybe - it is an absolute date that is all legal and stuff...
I still think they are thinking that the woman is staying at home and the husband works, you know. We have planned that hubby takes the leave as he only works 16 hours and statutory pay is about the same.
<insert big sigh here> Oh... I *know* they have to dot every i and cross every t, but I want them to do it really understanding us. If they make an informed evaluation of the facts and decide we have to wait, OK - I've already said that I am happy to wait if I must. I just really worry that they are misunderstanding us and I want to be able to stand in front of them now and explain.
So, I wrote an email. I have read it several times now before sending - it is proofread beyond all reasonable doubt. It is considered and balanced and worthy of forwarding to anyone who is there to make a decision. There are no excessive exclamations, a lack of desperate pleading and a straightforward statement of the facts and our intentions. It is good. Is it enough?
I don't know. I have pressed 'send' and crossed my fingers.
Wednesday 24 November 2010
Wednesday 17 November 2010
Smiling...
We had our second meeting with our SW yesterday and we already have our first report back to read over in time for us to be 'discussed' at the team meeting next week.
What can I say? It is lovely, so lovely. She has written some very wonderful things about us, about our son - it is really positive stuff. The finances were raised, but we have written our own report which has been included and her comments are that we appear to have this well under control.
Really, who else gets the chance for someone to come in and give you such an independent overview on how you are doing as parents?
I'm going to be smiling for ages...
What can I say? It is lovely, so lovely. She has written some very wonderful things about us, about our son - it is really positive stuff. The finances were raised, but we have written our own report which has been included and her comments are that we appear to have this well under control.
Really, who else gets the chance for someone to come in and give you such an independent overview on how you are doing as parents?
I'm going to be smiling for ages...
Friday 12 November 2010
First visit and a potential spanner in the works?
We had our first visit and, if I'm honest, it felt a bit like hubby and me were a bit of a double act. I've never had to talk about myself for so long and, by crikey, we do digress the pair of us...
It turns out that this is first visit part one, part two will come soon when the Social Worker will meet our son.
Was it what I was expecting? Probably, just a bit of a fact find on her part, trying to understand our motivations, whether we had really looked into all the options or not. We have to go away and write a bit of a history of our childhoods (convoluted, in both cases!) and email them over to her.
Did I mention that potential spanner? We knew that honesty had to be the best policy (assuming that getting 'found out in the end' on anything would always be worse than being upfront in the first place) so we immediately told the SW about our previous debt problems and that we are in the final stages of an IVA (takes deep breath - that was some major sharing with you all there!)
I'm not sure she knew what an IVA was, and I think it was the scary word 'insolvency' that might have done it, but she thought that the team would probably not recommend us to go forward if we had not completely finished it.
There were valid reasons for us getting to that situation, but this isn't an insolvency blog and, frankly, I'm going to have to write it up for the SW anyway, I'm not doing it twice!
We did go on to explain that, in actual fact, the IVA was the kick in the bum that we had needed to completely re-evaluate how we lived. We have regularly paid the money that we have owed over the last four years, not missing one payment, not getting behind on our mortgage. Instead of expensive days out we go on walks and train rides, do some baking or have movie nights in front of the TV. We budget properly, save up for things we want and actually feel that we have a better quality of life now. We have even embraced that wonder that is the £9.50 Sun caravan holiday and we love it!
We think we can prove that we have enough money each month to provide for an additional child and, anyway, the process is so long that we will either be out of the IVA by the time we get anywhere near matching, or be so close that it makes no odds. We do have to be prepared, however, for them to say "come back to us when it is finished" If that is what we have to do, then so be it.
Other than that, however, she said some really positive things about us as parents and as a family. While we described our son she said that he sounded very similar to some of the children that they have to place. He is a wonderful bright, sunny, kind boy but I have always wondered about some of his traits, that he may be on the very lower end of the autistic spectrum - without me voicing this the SW said the exact same thing. I am fascinated to see what she thinks when she meets him. She thought that this meant we already had a lot of the skills that would be required with some of the children that they have in care.
I haven't said this before, but I'm a bit of a blubber. Hopeless, in fact. I fully expected to be tearful today, I have been in the past when talking through adoption. In fact my only 'moment' was when we discussed how our son has dealt with the death of his grandfather just over a year ago. I thought that was probably forgiveable!
Spanner aside, then, a good meeting and a lovely SW, thank goodness. There may be more waiting than I was hoping for, but we are on the path finally.
It turns out that this is first visit part one, part two will come soon when the Social Worker will meet our son.
Was it what I was expecting? Probably, just a bit of a fact find on her part, trying to understand our motivations, whether we had really looked into all the options or not. We have to go away and write a bit of a history of our childhoods (convoluted, in both cases!) and email them over to her.
Did I mention that potential spanner? We knew that honesty had to be the best policy (assuming that getting 'found out in the end' on anything would always be worse than being upfront in the first place) so we immediately told the SW about our previous debt problems and that we are in the final stages of an IVA (takes deep breath - that was some major sharing with you all there!)
I'm not sure she knew what an IVA was, and I think it was the scary word 'insolvency' that might have done it, but she thought that the team would probably not recommend us to go forward if we had not completely finished it.
There were valid reasons for us getting to that situation, but this isn't an insolvency blog and, frankly, I'm going to have to write it up for the SW anyway, I'm not doing it twice!
We did go on to explain that, in actual fact, the IVA was the kick in the bum that we had needed to completely re-evaluate how we lived. We have regularly paid the money that we have owed over the last four years, not missing one payment, not getting behind on our mortgage. Instead of expensive days out we go on walks and train rides, do some baking or have movie nights in front of the TV. We budget properly, save up for things we want and actually feel that we have a better quality of life now. We have even embraced that wonder that is the £9.50 Sun caravan holiday and we love it!
We think we can prove that we have enough money each month to provide for an additional child and, anyway, the process is so long that we will either be out of the IVA by the time we get anywhere near matching, or be so close that it makes no odds. We do have to be prepared, however, for them to say "come back to us when it is finished" If that is what we have to do, then so be it.
Other than that, however, she said some really positive things about us as parents and as a family. While we described our son she said that he sounded very similar to some of the children that they have to place. He is a wonderful bright, sunny, kind boy but I have always wondered about some of his traits, that he may be on the very lower end of the autistic spectrum - without me voicing this the SW said the exact same thing. I am fascinated to see what she thinks when she meets him. She thought that this meant we already had a lot of the skills that would be required with some of the children that they have in care.
I haven't said this before, but I'm a bit of a blubber. Hopeless, in fact. I fully expected to be tearful today, I have been in the past when talking through adoption. In fact my only 'moment' was when we discussed how our son has dealt with the death of his grandfather just over a year ago. I thought that was probably forgiveable!
Spanner aside, then, a good meeting and a lovely SW, thank goodness. There may be more waiting than I was hoping for, but we are on the path finally.
Thursday 4 November 2010
What was I saying about waiting...?
That'll teach me. All settled in for a nice long wait until after Christmas for our first Social Worker visit and... BOOM! Appointment for next week!
Already anxiety over what I say and how I say it has set in. While settling on a time for the meeting (could take up to four hours apparently?) I said that I didn't need to check with Hubby, I knew he would be in because "...he is the Mum" - it is a bit of an in joke in our house that he phoned someone up once and said "Hello, it's xxxx's Mum".
Now I'm worried whether I should have said it like that to the Social Worker before she has even met us! There was a bit of a gap after which she then said 'Oh he is going to stay at home, is he?' which makes me wonder if she has read our forms yet and perhaps doesn't know of the existance of Son.
Anyway, roll on next week and four hours of laying out our very souls for examination!
Already anxiety over what I say and how I say it has set in. While settling on a time for the meeting (could take up to four hours apparently?) I said that I didn't need to check with Hubby, I knew he would be in because "...he is the Mum" - it is a bit of an in joke in our house that he phoned someone up once and said "Hello, it's xxxx's Mum".
Now I'm worried whether I should have said it like that to the Social Worker before she has even met us! There was a bit of a gap after which she then said 'Oh he is going to stay at home, is he?' which makes me wonder if she has read our forms yet and perhaps doesn't know of the existance of Son.
Anyway, roll on next week and four hours of laying out our very souls for examination!
Tuesday 2 November 2010
It's National Adoption Week!
There is some great press getting out there for National Adoption Week and I have been able to read some inspiring stories. I thought I should blog during such an important week, but blog what?
We are waiting, waiting, waiting, not even on the first rung, what could I possibly blog about? Then the lovely Twitterette @jinxi1 suggested some eminently sensible topics and it came to me that a summary of even such a short time as a prospective adopter would be useful. After all, it is becoming clear to me that 'waiting' is the very essence of the adoption process for a while!
So where is my head at? We ran full tilt at the process as soon as we knew it was something we wanted to consider and now it feels a bit like running through glue. The rest of the blog lays it out but to cut a long story short we have filled in our first forms and are waiting for our first visit. It isn't likely to happen for a few months. Surprisingly, though, I don't feel that frustrated any more. Instead, I feel a bit like you do when you leave your most favourite food until last, just to eke out the anticipation.
I apologise if you think that comparing a child that needs a home with a plate of food is somehow wrong, but what I'm trying to get across is that I know that there is potentially the most wonderful experience over there on the horizon and it's nice just to look at it for a while before I start moving towards it.
You can, of course, remind me I said this when I'm having a rant in a few months, by the way.
It isn't my head alone that I am talking about either. There is my wonderful, patient, caring hubby - already a fantastic stay at home Dad to our 7 year old son. I know that the two of them are going to deal with it just fine, as I have witnessed this conversation between them:
Son: 'lets talk about adopting a brother or sister'
Hubby: 'well, you know it might take a while, don't you, years even - it's not like going down to the supermarket where they have bar codes on their bums - "bleep - £10.99 please"'
Son: (much giggling)
Hubby: (mimes waving children at a barcode scanner a bit more, with slightly more frantic sound effects)
Son: (now actually laughing out loud) 'no... it's not like that'
There is also a wider circle (not that wide just yet) of people who we have told of our plans. There has been no rhyme or reason involved in who we have told and when, just the right time, place... Perhaps this is why those few people have been wonderful, they are getting excited for us, with us. They realise we are sharing something very special with them.
So, we are ready to wait, because we can see the amazing stories of other adopters unfolding before us and we can only hope that ours will become an amazing story too.
We are waiting, waiting, waiting, not even on the first rung, what could I possibly blog about? Then the lovely Twitterette @jinxi1 suggested some eminently sensible topics and it came to me that a summary of even such a short time as a prospective adopter would be useful. After all, it is becoming clear to me that 'waiting' is the very essence of the adoption process for a while!
So where is my head at? We ran full tilt at the process as soon as we knew it was something we wanted to consider and now it feels a bit like running through glue. The rest of the blog lays it out but to cut a long story short we have filled in our first forms and are waiting for our first visit. It isn't likely to happen for a few months. Surprisingly, though, I don't feel that frustrated any more. Instead, I feel a bit like you do when you leave your most favourite food until last, just to eke out the anticipation.
I apologise if you think that comparing a child that needs a home with a plate of food is somehow wrong, but what I'm trying to get across is that I know that there is potentially the most wonderful experience over there on the horizon and it's nice just to look at it for a while before I start moving towards it.
You can, of course, remind me I said this when I'm having a rant in a few months, by the way.
It isn't my head alone that I am talking about either. There is my wonderful, patient, caring hubby - already a fantastic stay at home Dad to our 7 year old son. I know that the two of them are going to deal with it just fine, as I have witnessed this conversation between them:
Son: 'lets talk about adopting a brother or sister'
Hubby: 'well, you know it might take a while, don't you, years even - it's not like going down to the supermarket where they have bar codes on their bums - "bleep - £10.99 please"'
Son: (much giggling)
Hubby: (mimes waving children at a barcode scanner a bit more, with slightly more frantic sound effects)
Son: (now actually laughing out loud) 'no... it's not like that'
There is also a wider circle (not that wide just yet) of people who we have told of our plans. There has been no rhyme or reason involved in who we have told and when, just the right time, place... Perhaps this is why those few people have been wonderful, they are getting excited for us, with us. They realise we are sharing something very special with them.
So, we are ready to wait, because we can see the amazing stories of other adopters unfolding before us and we can only hope that ours will become an amazing story too.
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