We are still waiting for contact from social workers to be allocated our first home visit. The twitterverse has told me that I should keep on them, so I probably will...
...in the meantime I'm batting a little dilemma around my head. On the joyous merry-go-round that was our fertility referral, they pretty much couldn't come up with much of a reason as to why we hadn't fallen pregnant again. There was particular scratching of heads as we had our son with no intervention, or any great delay in conception after the decision to 'go for it'. It's a little more convoluted than that (and involved some delightful tests, some of which were rather... chilly) but the upshot is that it is not outside the realms of possibility that I could still fall pregnant.
OK... it's pretty unlikely, after four years of trying, but it is possible. The dilemma is that to commit fully to the adoption process, I am going to have to head back to the doctors and talk about contraception.
It really is such a minor thing, I imagine many people would think 'so what?' but one part of my head still thinks that the 'next time' could be the one. No matter how much I have embraced the thought of adoption, there is still this sneaky other voice telling me to delay that visit before I lock and bolt that door forever.
The sensible voice has put her foot down, though, and I have come to a compromise with myself. I'm waiting for the first appointment, waiting for them to tell us that they will continue with our application. Once they make that commitment to us, then I have to reciprocate.
Anyway, if I have to make that visit to the surgery, I will enjoy telling the doctor how rubbish the fertility clinic has been, I'm sure that she will appreciate that feedback if she is sending other couples (we were the first she had sent under some 'new rules').
Finally, I promise not to talk about voices in my head again - you never know when the social worker might be looking...
I can empathise with this. Although we have no birth children and the chances of conception 9 years down the line are very limited I have always felt distinctly odd about contraception.
ReplyDeleteMy son is 4 years and has been here for a long time now and legally ours for over two years. The yearning for a baby and the sadness with each period has disipated with time but my reluctance to make completely sure that nothing can happen naturally has remained. It's a weird feeling and you are not alone in it.
It's good to hear that I am not alone in this! Just about to write an update blog about the timings and I think I am still sticking to my own little rule about waiting for that meeting.
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